Are you challenged by some kinds of touch?

Are you challenged by some kinds of touch? Does your lover touch you in one way but you yearn to be touched in a different way? Do you find it difficult to express how you want to be touched? All of these things can limit how you express your sexuality and experience pleasure and orgasm. Over many years as a sexuality coach, I’ve noticed that people generally become used to touch in one specific way or in a very few specific ways. They find giving and receiving touch in other ways either boring or challenging. For example, some women enjoy soft touch and a very particular kind of soft touch, and they don’t like hard touch at all. Others need hard touch in order to feel pleasure and can’t feel anything if they are touched softly. I once worked with a woman who couldn’t orgasm at all. The sexual energy would immediately shoot up to her upper body and she would hardly feel any physical pleasure in her genitals and lower body. Learn more at was a very intense, determined and even slightly harsh person. She was driven and goal-oriented but lacked softness and sweetness. During one of our sessions, I was stimulating her yoni and no matter how hard or fast I went, it wasn’t strong enough for her. My hands were getting tired but she could hardly feel anything. Then I changed the touch. I slowed down and touched her yoni very lightly. She said, ‘I can’t feel you. I can’t feel anything at all.’ But I kept going softly for a few minutes. She kept saying she couldn’t feel anything and asked me to please go harder. Still, I kept the soft, light touch. Then suddenly she said, ‘I just had an orgasm.’ It wasn’t a mind-blowing or earth-shattering orgasm, but it was definitely an orgasm. It was one of the first internal orgasms she had experienced, and a very special one. In this example, I learned the important of softness and subtlety. And later, I realized that while that woman had a lot of navel chakra energy, what she actually needed was a combination of the softness of the heart chakra and the sensuality of the sacral chakra. She ended up spending the next few years practicing yoga and living in a tantric community. She developed her feminine side – sweet, soft and innocent – but she also kept her sharp mind, intensity and determination. This was a valuable lesson for me. I learned that people don’t always know what touch they need and that sometimes they need to be given something that they don’t usually go for. So this learning inspired me to create a powerful practice that can help you to experience and embrace the energies of different touch. We’ll get to that shortly. First, let’s start with practice to embody sensual touch. This practice brings sensual touch to your whole body without involving your genitals. This will show you that you can experience pleasure without even touching your genitals. 1. Sit or lie down comfortably. 2. Caress your whole body, excluding your genitals, for about five minutes in whatever way you feel like. Don’t worry about it being sensual or sexual, just bring touch and sensation to your whole body. 3. Then try different kinds of touch. Spend a few minutes exploring touch that is: − Light and airy. For example, try blowing air on your skin. Try it again after licking your skin. − Strong and earthy. For example, try pressing hard into your flesh; feel your bones. − Flowing and watery. For example, try continuous caresses in circular movements. − Intense and fiery. For example try pulling at your skin or scratching. 4. Spend at least ten to fifteen minutes exploring the different sensations throughout your body. Learn more at